Happy Belated Mother’s Day
So I meant to put this up on Mother's Day but life has just been very busy and focusing is harder than ever. So I decided to do it now instead of waiting until next year.
I wanted to share with everyone I know how much I appreciate my mom. I don't believe I would be here without her... cause.. well... someone had to give birth. I just wanted to publicly thank you Mom for everything you have done for me, Chad and Tricia; Your Husband, your brothers and sisters, and your nieces and nephews. You always had food for us to eat (even if we didn't like what it was); You always cleaned up our messes (even when you should have just made us do them); you always washed our clothes, took us to our friends homes, picked up our friends to bring them to our house, and never went a day with out smiling or laughing about something. Even on the most gloomy days with the most discouraging things happening you continued to show that you can smile about many things even when things don't look so good.
If there is anything I have learned from you it was that. I can't count the times people have shared that as an encouraging thing about my own personality. making lite of things isn't a cooping mechanism; it's a gift that some people I am learning just don't have.
Sure you never really had a career, sure you are more robot than human now; sure you still take on a beating with my dumb antics I put myself through. but you never change through all of that. I know that not just me but everyone in your life Loves you for that. Your consistency to always laugh and make lite of things in bad times, your motherly attribute of nurturing and providing for those in your home. I can't take back lots of things I have done and said to you in the past but I can for sure say thank you for fighting through those things with me and live disicions.
Everyone, meet my mom. The true spirit of care, love and affection.
Happy Belated Mother's Day Mom
Do not by like the Hypocrite
Hey everyone long time no upkeep! SORRY! I've been working through some things getting my head on straight about some ideas I have going through my out-of-control synapse system in my brain. I find my self constantly running around with a project here, a moment of sharing some good advice or the good word with someone, driving people places, and building a list of great "Crack Brain" Ideas as I have been coined. upon realizing all this and having a conversation where i was giving advice to someone, I realized... 'man I am such a hypocrite'.
I found myself providing the means to not feeling so stressed out with life and letting the world get to your self. My answer, was, to slow down, take some things off your plate, focus on the things that a nessessary at the moment, and give yourself some time in the day.
I was doing my daily reading through the YouVersion App on my Bible plan on fasting and the verse Matthew 6:5-6 were at the beginning of the reading. they read:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
Jesus is explaining in this verse about how to pray when you do pray. For some reason the word hypocrite stuck out in this verse this time to me. Probably because I have been dealing lately with those moments in MY life where I realize how much of a hypocrite I am to certain things. Most of them at this time I could not tell you what they were (which reminds me that those things were not big players i who I am), but the fact that I picked up on this has interested my idea of how far does hypocrite go?
Well by Jesus' standards it reaches one of the highest powers of communication with the Lord. Praying. Back in His days there were many preaching the word on the streets but were putting a show on. They would preach to not lose their self in drink and sex... Soon after in the evening they would return to their brothel that they owned. Do we see those things today? well, of course. Look at Women! NO this is not a sexiest thing, I truly give so much respect to women for the things they have to deal with in this world, but you take a women who stands up in front of peers and family stating she wants a good man, but jumps right on the thug or bad boy of the group; lets pick a couple more 'Racey" subjects. Take a look at some minorities classes just here in America (AND please don't take me wrong on this, it is just what I have seen from my eyes), an African American man complains to his buddies about people being racist and hating on his heritage, then turns around when his cousin comes walking in the door, gives him a hug and says in a loud voice "HEY! What's up my #*$&%^"... Or take a man who hates Gay people. He rants and complains, slanders, verbally abuses the junk out of a gay man he sees in the street, then gets back to his home and gets all excited and screams for more when he sees to girls making out on a TV series.. And lets go even less touchy subject and more common in church bodies.
We lie abotu something when we should tell the truth; we put ourselves on a pedestal, when we teach to treat others with the same respect you believe you should receive; we break apart from marriages because something didn't go our way when we tell people who are struggling through hard times to Look to God and remember the commandments.
And if you for one moment think you are going to get away with saying 'well I may have done one of these things BUT I never told someone I lied about it, or never put myself at a higher pedestal or told someone to keep the commandments' you are CRAZY. If you are a Christian a TRUE Christian and TURTHFULLY trust in God then you will tell them in the simple form that you go to Church on Sunday. That right there to your non-believing friend is enough to make you and Christianity look hypocritical. When in all actuality we are the one who are the struggle.
Because we fight on a daily basis with Sinful natures we find ourselves riding the fences on many things.
Needless to say we have this urge to sin as humans. We as Christians need to make it a noticeable change in our life's to let the world know that Christianity is not the hypocritical problem. We are.
Now I have no clue if any of this has any meaning to anyone who reads this but I believe it does. I don't believe I am the only one out there dealing with the hypocrite bug... I can't promise I won't mess up in the future, but I can promise that God loves you, He loves me, and He loves your non-believing friend enough to give us all the ability to fight through this struggle from all ends of it.
John 4:10
Today marks a day like no other in my life. its a new day! One more day older, one new snow/rain storm, one more new adventure (babysitting), and a new notification on my Facebook. with all things that are happening at this moment in life, now seems like a better time than none to get a hefty dose of God fed to my body via IV.
I was given a challenge today from God, again through a friend mentioning something to me about my character and the road that I am heading down. My eyes widened and my mind was very upset with the words being said to me; but they were true and thus needed some examining. I was told straight out that it looks as if I am just feeding for peoples apprication in everything that I am doing in my life; looking for the satisfaction that someone will appricate me and my work that I am doing, and that it is starting to blond me from actually doing things for God and turning them into my own objectives...
Well, it hit me kind of funny. I knew it was correct deep down inside but the outer flesh and superior mentality was saying it was junk, and not real.
I believe we all have a desire to want attention from others in our life. I also believe we all become very jealous of others life's and there belongings, there relationships, theirs collections, money, and whatever else you could be jealous of. we always want what others have buried just beneath the epidermal shell of our silly bodies. Tonight was small group and we talked about John chapter 3-4. the chapters were basically on Jesus explaining to Nicodemus about being born again, and the Samaritan women at the well. the part of the gospel that caught my attention tonight was John Chapter 4 verse 10.
Jesus has just asked the lady at the well for a drink; She replies to him "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (john 4-9). Jesus replies to this comment "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." (john 4-10).
After reading this again, I felt compelled that this has something to do with my challenge that has been set before me. If we only knew what we were going to receive if we knew personally who was asking us to do these things we hear. I feel much like I am the women at the well. wondering why this person (God) is asking me for help in something. I'm just a samaritan (human) to your greatness and glory. Why would you ask me for a glass of water? I realized, after reading what Jesus had to say, that we don't know what we have in front of us. We only see the well that was built for us by our ancestors; we only see that we have a bucket to fill to take back to our home to nourish our own body; We feel only the sand under our own feet; and a majority of the time we only hear the voice of God but never except it because he is a stranger compared to the challenges and adoration we have physically in our lives. The one things that keeps most away from faith is faith itself. You have to believe in something you can't physically see or touch.
Some day I hope to be able to overcome this grieving challenge in my life. I hope to keep this story close to my heart to remind me to not just trust in the well I had built for me, but trust in the man who came and asked something of me. We need Jesus just as much as he needs us.
A Year in a Nutshell
Well as the year comes to an end and the light of a new one appears just over the horizon it is time to look back at the last year of my life and reminisce on the trials, the gifts, the pains and the glories of the year.
I am nothing short of amazed of this year, perplexed actually. just a year ago I had a full time office job on the 8th floor over looking the beautiful port of Portland Maine. And just a year later I am couch surfing and living out of my car and off of people I know because I took a step forward towards God without thinking about it. now to recap...
January 2011: The End of the Beginning
Like mentioned I was knee deep in a professional data entry/call center job; 40 hours a week (sometimes more) money to pay my bills and loans, something of consistency every week that I could count on being there. Was the job healthy? probably not. most likely the vision to make the next step in my life was probably a good thing. As much as I enjoyed the position of calling people all over the world of different background and personalities and explaining there package that they have purchased for the upcoming event, other piece of the job puzzle were not fitting very well. Management was very shady, new people were brought on into positions, yes I was a little jealous of, that I could have been capable of doing with the 3 years of knowledge of the business that I had, things were shredded (not so secretively) in the backroom, and upper management personalities were very... what's the word?.. oh yeah.. lacking. Everything about the product and work itself was not so bad.. so needless to say the voice in my head was probably doing me a good thing. lets step back.
May 2010: The Voice in my Head
my second missions trip, and my first time in Guatemala. like every missions trip I have been on something is shown to me and I don't feel like leaving. Well needless to say as we were heading through the airport in Guatemala City, A voice in my head was punching the inside of my skull, massaging my brain with the poking repetition that usually is followed by "are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet??" but this voice was saying "stay! stay! stay!"
Well I got on the plane and didn't stay and for weeks afterwards that was still running through my mind. well at the time work was becoming monotonous and a stress in my life I was still dealing with the loss of a very precious piece of my heart, and things just seemed to yell "YOU NEED A CHANGE!" One day I just said OK! "Fine voice in my head I will stay longer if Pastor David will let me."
I emailed Pastor David and he was very excited that I wanted to stay longer. I proceeded to say OK and made plans to stay for 6 weeks to help CCCG in Guatemala.
Back to 2011...
January 2011: Let the Adventure Begin
So I made plans with work earlier on in 2010; I sat down with my bosses and explained my thoughts and situation. They all went to talk about it and came back a few weeks later and agreed to let me go on the trip and let me keep my Health insurance while I was there. That was honestly more than I was expecting, definitely a gift God gave. we made plans for connect when I return and get me back into the office. so I had health insurance and a job when I return! SWEET! Stroudwater Christian Church and I departed on January 10th
January-February 2011: A whole New World
The plan was to stay for 6 weeks and help David with his ministries in Guatemala which ranged from helping with the feeding programs, to helping with a sports camp, to finish a church and mixing cement, to being support and an extra pair of hands and feet for a Canadian Worship band doing a 40 day concert series throughout Guatemala, to building a new website and updating profiles for the organization and the feeding program.
I always expect God to share some piece of advice on these trips. this 6 week stint He shared a lot on this trip about Obedience; every group I was with would share something about it, and them not knowing it were Breathing Gods words to me. It was a very interesting experience. come the last Sunday,
I had that voice in my head telling me "stay stay stay" I replied "OK obedience has been a large part of this trip, if this is my test I will be obedient as long as Pastor David is OK with it I will stay longer. So after the service I went up to David and asked if I could stay longer and explained the voice and the story and before i could finish he replied "yes Cory, you can stay as long as you want." I didn't expect a yes, probably because I hear No a lot, but I was stunned with happiness and fear all at once. Happiness that I got to stay and help and fear that I have jumped on faith to this idea and its coming to. I changed my plane ticket and stayed an extra week and a half.
February 2011: The Return of the Prodigal Son pt. 1
Things didn't slow down when I returned home, I was immediately thrown into having to help get things together for the Missions talent show fundraiser, by making sure cameras and media was all set up and ready, that my presentation of the thank you letters that the children in the city wrote to our church for a gracious donation to help more than 80 of them continue to stay in the feeding program. upon my return as well I had been in contact with my former job and they said to connect and we will get things all squared away when I get back. in doing so it took multiple calls to get a hold of them and I had to go in and retrieve a tax paper something from one of my friends there and found out very shortly after they didn't have the need for me at the time. So, I came home poor, no job. I had made plans before the trip to move in with a new friend into Westbrook, so I made the transition there as well. And on top of the return I find out my car was broken and needs over $1000 of work done to it.. needless to say the money wasn't there for it all. I applied for unemployment which helped me survive in the economy for a few months.
April 2011: An Unexpected Journey
During April my church had a trip to WV for a missions trip to help some families in the Appalachian region. being a helper and traveler at heart, if remember correctly, I splurged some of my money on the trip, because I felt led to be apart of it. it was a great trip to get to know some family members I didn't know very well and a way to get to know some of the kids in our church at a much more personal Christ relationship. One thing with Missions trips is you come back knowing everyone more as a brother and sister then a friend.
May 2011: A New Job in the Horizon
Come the end of May I still could not find a job, and was doing odds and ends to give me something to do while I waited on job offers, and was collecting unemployment to pay my rent and gas. I was handed a job opportunity from my pastor for a position as a youth activities director for Alton bay in NH and at the same time found a job working at a summer camp till the end of August doing video and photography. needless to say I was offered both jobs on the same day go figure. I spent 3 months not finding anything and then two fall in my lap on the same day.
Well i prayed about it and didn't have any of my spidey-senses about either of the jobs. i took it as Both jobs will do good for me, and will get me to Gods goal using different paths to get me to the same end point. So I chose the video and photography position.
June -August 2011: Welcome to Camp "Kickme"
The summer was fast paced, fun, adventurous, exciting, new, and also overwhelming, hard to make it though and utterly frigged up.
Needless to say I learned a lot about my self. I learned I am better leader and know my creativity better then anyone else. That I don't work well with lazy wastes of space, and that I am still wearing my heart on my sleeve. Even though the summer was hard and not as fun as I expected I still gained a lot about myself and my relationship with Christ. Truthfully I fell a little because not being around a Christian family makes it hard for the fire to continue burning. I also did get to go white water rafting 3 times!.
September 2011: Return of the Prodigal Son pt. 2
The month began like a deja vu. No money, no job, no idea of the future ahead of me. on top of it, I was out of a place of my own to live. On a good note my car was still working. Camp got done a week early because a last week of camp ended up not happening. So in awesomeness the the camp was they docked our (or at least my pay) a substantial amount from my final check and on top of it I had a $500 hospital bill from the beginning of the summer I would have to pay because 
of a trip to the emergency room I didn't need to make and was forced to. So the in my mind the $600 I had in a check in my hand was already going towards this stupid bill that I came back to.
Graciously the Lord put some projects in front of me that have helped pay for my gas and food for the past 4 months. one of my projects I had to jump on (because I knew I was coming back to Guatemala no matter the cost) was my Missions calendar. I wasn't sure how it was going to sell but I made a packed that all the money made from it would go towards the calendar and trip. Amazingly I have sold just 90 out of 100 in the past 3 months.
I had some senior portraits, some sports recruitment videos and a VHS to DVD job that really supported the weight of the fall.
I felt like I went and spent everything that was given to me and came back to open arms and sufficient work to get me through.
December 2011: Feeling the Weight in Seeing the Light.
I never thought I would have made it 4 months couch surfing at peoples homes. My friends and family have all been amazing in supporting me and giving me a place to stay. of course coming with this is the feeling of being a burden to people, always being in there way and in their lives when they probably want space. It is a hard feeling to deal with especially since the conversations recently have been harboring towards those thought. My portion of the Guatemala 2012 trip has been paid off successfully with the sales of my calendars and sponsor letters I had sent out in September, and I have been able to be busy and have money to suffice.
2012: A New Year
I have come to understand we can not know our future, but we have a for in being persistent and obedient to what we want it to become. God has the final plan on things but we have to make the choice to pursue it. There is only one way to Heaven, through the cross, but to get to that foot of it God will allow options to bring you there. I never wanted to live like I am but if it was what needs me to do to bring me to Him then it must be done. I always wondered if I would be like everyone else If i changed my prayer when i was in 8th grade from "please just let me get through life with what I need" to "please let me be rich and have all the awesome things I want in this world" if things would be different... But I can't complain for I have been given great provisions; a place to sleep and roof over my head every night, work to keep me busy, and family. nothing else is great but Christ.
Thank you everyone for supporting missions, and people like me. And even more thank you for supporting Children like this young lady and her cat Poncha. With you support from people with a chance young one like her may not make it into school, may go days without a good meal, and possibly miss out on what God has in store for there beautiful talents.
If you are interested in supporting CCCG's feeding program please feel free to contact me OR contact Pastor David and his team in Guatemala directly by emailing them at david1@cccguatemala.com
Many of these children don't have a fighting chance to get a good meal before school; which results in lack of retaining information in school becoming less educated and less likely to succeed.
I hope everyone has a wonderful new Year and we will be back January 10th late from the Guatemala 2012 trip.
Dios te Bendiga (God Bless You)
The Best Black Friday deal I found! it is FREE!
Well, only a month left until Guatemala and the Holiday season has crept in and is now the forefront of everyone's mind. nothing wrong with that, we should remember to be thankful for the people and things we have and don't have in our lives. We should also show that appreciation to those whom we love by offering a gift. its funny that a majority of people bust through this time of the year and never really know what is happening, or why this time of year is built around their set in stone reasons for the Christmas Spirit.
I caught myself today, after listening to my mother over the telephone in the other room, wondering what can I do for those I love and appreciate this Christmas? I started thinking of the list of things to buy for each family member, and each close friend I wanted to give something to. then I began racking up the total and began to realize, I am dreaming of impossible at this moment. I'm working project by project hoping my business will continue forward to a stable point I can have my own place; I'm still raising money for Guatemala this January (which has been doing pretty well); and on top of that I am trying to be the most for God I can be.
Unfortunatly our America economy doesn't bode well for those who do spend time doing good things for people. most of the time those who do good for others get overlooked at companies as spending there time doing other things, or being overused by people and organiations who need volunteers without finding more support until that volunteer is drained completely of any sense on commonality that the organization9(s) stand for. The world just always seems to be against you ever step of the way doesn't it? No matter where we turn there is something hindering us from doing those things we want to do that are right. It makes you feel like, your nothing, you can't survive in this plac eunless you just follow the flow, become the mold. I'm not saying its not possible to build a life around doing good, I want to point out it is tough trying to do good.
So back to the Holiday's; We try and do great things for our loved ones. Last year I drew a picture of my Great Grand Father for my parents. Now most of you have no clue who my Great Grand Father was, but if you are interested you can view more about his life at this website: www.thefortfisherhermit.com. Long story short, it was only the second time I ever saw my dad shed a tear (next to his daughter getting married). needless to say I think the picture made a realy big impression on him and my mother, and in thining about it I've set a bar for what I am going to do this year for them.
Holiday consumerism is built on this bar notion. not by the marketers, or the creators of the product, but by our own insidious thinking that we need to always have to have something better then what we have, which means everyone else wants the same thing. Now not everyone has this thinking, but a majority of people do weather they are will to admit it or not. I mean just look at technology itself as one example, why has it progressed so far so quickly? NO not cause of aliens, but because we want to make and have the next big thing (well in some terms). faster, sleeker, smarter, smaller, mobile, connected. its all a power to become our own superstar, we all love that feeling. Being the big man on campus, struttin' our stuff.
OK back to topic. Welcome to my mind; I try not to edit these down too much so you can enjoy my entanglement of memories and ideas. So Holidays; Thanksgiving; turkey, stuffing, mmmmhmm; Chirstmas; Gifts and trees, and ornaments, and stockings. But what about this season brings this all around. some Christians will say because it is Christmas, our savior was born on Christmas day; but really; Christmas was built by Christians around the winter solctace to take focus off the pagen worshipping of the sun and putting focus on the Son. Historians and Scholars now-a-days have an understanding that Christ was probably born on this date. Others celebrating Christmas who do out of loving the traditions that come along with it and the presents too, Will say 'We should be thanksful to our family and share with them how much we love them."
Does everyone know? You've been given a gift?!! Weather you believe in Jesus or not, he was given to you and me, and everyone else as a Blood sacrifice, to pay for our sins! Don't you see the greed and envious that is slowly creeping in on this wondrous Holiday. Yes Jesus may not have been born on this day but if it was created to honor him, then lets do so. Why do we have to build up "what am I going to buy for them?" mind set? I wonder what would happen if we were all capable of (including myself) actually making a Christmas about Christ? I think it would end up much like Thanksgiving. and honestly, I could do with that. cuase with those envious, greedy natures we have in us, it takes much of the focus off of ourselves and God and places it on the things that will rust and be destroyed eventually.
Needless to say the Holiday shouldn't be so consumed by what to get, but rather in what we have. I am grateful for my ever loving family who continues to support me, even if I have no clear view of my future. I continue to follow as God leads and end up on one couch here, another couch there, and seem to be doing well (unless someone has a cat). I don't have the money to spend on spectacular things for people, but I've had enough to drive here and there and get to places I need to, and pay for food. I can't really complain when i think of those who are in struggling villages half way around the world trying to feed there family, keep their children from sickness that runs in the water and ground. I can't really complain about the couches I am sleeping on when I see the wooden slats and fish line hammocks families are sleeping on, or about the food I eat when I imagine some of the rotten things children have to eat to survive in the jungles if they can't fund fruits or harvest enough corn. I am very grateful for all the things I have... it may not be as much as the next person, but it is enough for me right now.
So this Black Friday I hope you found that deal for free! that's right, Your salvation. its free, you just have to accept the gift and unwrap it. its right in the Bible or your local Church. Go check them out. Trust me you won't want another things with the enviousness we all hold again.
God Bless Everyone and Happy Late Thanksgiving!
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